Being Single Sucks!!!

Valentine's Day just passed and if I had a dime for every man (and a quarter for every woman) who complained about being single during February....my student loans would be paid off!!! And, yep I have been THAT person at one point of time BUT I have learned to embrace and love my single life. There are also some key things to focus on when you are single that can positively influence every area of your life. There are also many reasons for YOU to appreciate your single life regardless of who you are!!!

By no means am I a relationship expert. I have been in relationships and I have learned a lot and made some changes on my end. I have also been single (as I am now) and I have learned some things too…like I LOVE BEING SINGLE!!!

• There are many times happenings completely out of one’s control will cause them to be single and I refer to the most common as the Triple D’s. The first D is death. Getting into a relationship after a significant other dies is not easy and the process of moving from dating/married life to single life back into the dating/married category is not one that should be rushed through. There is a lot of healing that needs to take place before moving on which as much as it hurts to say…must be done! There is also the common fad now…divorce. I hate seeing how likely our society takes divorce now days. It is a situation that causes someone in the situation to be deeply hurt and in both people in a position to completely start their lives over again. But, it happens and there a lot of times where it really is needed. As in death there is a healing/restoration period that should take place in order for either person to successfully move on with their life. And, for some it is distance. I think distance is more common than people think. Now, I do know some people who have made distance work but I have met a lot of people who have tried to ‘make it work’ when distance is unavoidable and it ends up in a breakup.
• As much as you think you are ready to be in a relationship...YOU'RE NOT!!! Sometimes the answer is just that simple...you are not ready to be in a partnership with another person. And, for this there may are endless reasons including: emotional baggage, financial mess, spiritual needs being ignored, a need to try something new, ignoring your health, lacking in social skills, poor time management skills, etc. Whatever the reason being in a relationship is not going to benefit you. It will only be a stressful situation for you and the person you latch onto and the results will suck more than you believe being single does.
• Where are your priorities? Have you taken the time to evaluate your priorities? If you are focused on being in a relationship but you are in major debt and behind in your classes or work...uhhhhhhhhhh...what makes you think you should be in a relationship? Sometimes we need to stop focusing on screwing someone else’s life and focus on getting ours in order.
• What are you thinking? Now has been said time and time again that people who have a more positive outlook when they are sick will usually recover and/or recover quicker than those with negative outlooks on their health. There are studies that show people can make themselves sick by their thinking. Your mind has more influence on your life than you can imagine. It always baffles me when I hear women complain they can’t find a good man but everything they think about men is negative. You have to believe that no matter what statistics say that you will have a fun, meaningful, and memorable single life and when the time is right you will be with an awesome person who was created just for you to love only you. Whatever it is you want in life…think about it…positively and often!
• You want more than you are willing to give! How many times do we here people give a list of what there next boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse must have. You know what??? This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Sorry to focus on the women here but I will focus on men in the next reason. Now, I had a lady tell me that she couldn't figure out why she could not find a good. I asked her what she was looking for and she says "not much!" I already knew what this meant she went on to tell me she didn't really care what car he drove as long as it was a 2009 (this was last year) and was nice enough to be parked in the front of a home in the suburbs, which is where his home had to be. He needed to have at least a six figure income, be good looking, at least 6'6" tall, athletic built, romantic, intelligent, etc. And, I asked her the same question I have had to ask many females...WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU BRINGING TO THE TABLE??? Are you asking for more than you can give? Now I have already admitted I am no relationship expert...shoot I'm single...lol but aren't relationships about compromising and about two people being able to bring SOMETHING table? When you get into a relationship it is not so that person can be considerate of you all the time...how can you help that person be their very best?
• Now when it comes to realistic expectations this is where I have to talk about men. I have had so many of my male friends (not all) and associates tell me about the sexy, model-type, intelligent woman they MUST have. And, she has to have long hair, be a size (fill in the blank) and smaller, have wear heels all the time, be able to cook well AND cook all the time, etc. Oh yeah, and God forbid she passes gas at anytime during the relationship…that’s grounds for termination! And, you would think these guys are all top-notch, money-making, hotties with their lives all together…NEGATIVE! What are you expecting? Is it possible that you are asking for someone who does not exist or is not the “good” woman or man you are looking for? I am all for not settling but let’s be realistic people. Do looks matter? Despite popular belief in most cases…yes! But, are looks everything? Are you more focused on something material or superficial when choosing a mate instead of how they treat you and how you can help each other grow in the future?

• Don’t sit around looking like a lost puppy that has nothing to live for. Find a fresh passion for life and live life to the fullest. And, you don’t always have to ride alone. Take those you love and care about along for the ride whether it be parents, siblings, children/godchildren, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandma/grandpa, best friends, co-workers…whoever! But, remember there are some rides that are meant just for you to enjoy and experience because whatever the ride may be was created especially for you to learn from.

• Get rid of the old and bring in the new. Are you one of those who still have the pictures of your ex on the vanity or their t-shirt in the back of one of your drawers, or the dead flowers you were given 3 Valentine’s ago when you weren’t single? Welp, guess what? That person has moved on and it is time for you to do the same!
• Evaluate your life. Where are you in your life? Are you completely satisfied with every area of your life? What’s holding you back in certain areas? How did you get to this point? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 5 years ago did you see yourself here right now? What could change? What could be better? Is there anything (other than a significant other) you feel you are lacking? What haven’t you done (besides get married) that you want to do?
• Get your priorities in order. Take the opportunity to refocus your life and get things right. Create a plan for your life. No, everything will not always go as plan but having a plan keeps you focused on your goals. Staying focused on your goals helps you to move forward and make the most of your life.
• Run your plans by advisor. Now, as a Christian God is my advisor and I run all my plans by Him. And, if you are a Christian you definitely should be running all of your plans by God…it will save you a lot of hassle in the long run. If you are not a Christian, you need to identify an advisor/mentor in your life who can help you stay focus and guide you positively and honestly in your journey. I would also suggest having some sort of a support system of people you trust with your life who will not discourage you but will be loving and honest with you at all times.
• Start walking. Take action toward a new life…NOW!!! You can have the best plan in the world and it means absolutely nothing if you don’t start taking the needed steps. Whatever it is you want to do…do it! If you have never been to college but always wanted to well start researching schools, majors, free money/loans, start filling out applications. If you have been wanting to get out of debt research different books and websites and companies to see what methods will work best for your life, start making a list of all the debt you have, open all the bills that have been laying in that little box you keep in the kitchen or wherever. If you have been want to lose those extra pounds you gained in college, the marriage you are out of, that bad relationship, or childhood then start researching the healthiest ways to lose weight, get to the root of your weight gain, buy you a new workout outfit, go walk for 20 or 30 minutes.
• Do not be discouraged. Everyday won’t be a perfect one but don’t be discouraged. Work on your confidence without becoming self-centered and arrogant. Know there is nothing you cannot achieve. Always look forward to something better.

There is a lot you can do when you are single that you may not necessarily be able to do when you are in a relationship. Do it while you can then once you are in a relationship you can do couple things and have no regrets. Just because you are single doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone. Like I mentioned earlier…there are people all around you that you can enjoy life with. Here are just a few ideas of things to do:

• Live overseas (I’m loving it)
• Travel overseas or anywhere you have ever wanted to go
• Take a road trip with the girls
• Have a spa day
• Walk around naked
• Drink out of the orange juice bottle
• Throw your things on the floor by the door after a long day at work
• Get up and go out at any time of day or night
• Have Mojitos on a nude beach
• Celebrate your birthday your way all month long
• Treat yourself to something nice just because you like you
• Decide to wake up one morning and enjoy Mimosas at Hotel ZaZa
• Spent time focusing on your hobbies
• Take a class to learn something new: language, cooking, baking, photography, real estate, documentaries, origami making, fixing cars, painting, ceramics, etc.
• Get dirty and try a new physical activity like rock climbing, hiking, flag football, paintball, swimming, soccer, kickboxing, boxing, Pilates, yoga, horseback riding, etc.
• Take some time to just mediate, pray, relax
• Clean your room/apartment/house whenever you feel like it
• Listen to your favorite song on the highest volume on repeat
• Shave only when you want to
• Release gas anytime you want
• Watch the game with your friends…with no rules
• Organize your CD’s and DVD’s anyway you want
• Start your own business
• Give back to the community in a variety of unique ways
• Find long lost family
• Mend broken relationships (only important ones)
• See the 7 wonders of the world
• Find yourself
• Write a book
• Have an old school sleepover with all the works (jammies, junk food, ghost stories, talks about boys/girls)
• Save money
• Play video games until 4 in the morning
• Adopt a pet
• Eat pizza for breakfast
• Plan a party for someone special to you
• Send yourself flowers or something nice to your job or school and be honest who sent them to you and why (i.e. I sent them to myself cause I think I am a pretty awesome person J)

Now I know there are so many things that can be added to the list and someone who will say…but I can do that with my significant other. The point of the list is to show you the options are endless when you are single…you are completely free to do what you want, when you want, how you want. Enjoy and make the most of it. Take that time to become the best possible you that you can be. Get your life in order. Believe it or not what you do and make of your single life starts the process of preparation for being in a successful and lasting relationship one day. The single life can have its lonely moments but overall it is one of the most fun times of your life. It doesn’t have to suck if you don’t want it to. The way you live your life (whether you are single or not) says something about you…WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE LIFE TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOU???